MortPUA

Habits.

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Habits can be heaven or hell.

Learning how to ingrain good habits and remove bad habits is a very useful skill. One that I will teach you in this post.

The first question is, what is a habit?

Dictionary.com defines it thus:

“A habit is an acquired behaviour pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary”.

Habits vs. Addictions

Bad habits can literally ruin your life. Take smoking for example. I used to be a smoker for nine years from the age of 21-30. Personally I don’t think smoking is addictive. I think it’s a habit.

If you let an addiction take hold of you, even if you abstain from the thing you’re addicted to, you will still want to partake in it again for the rest of your life. Think of something like Heroin.

It wasn’t easy to quit smoking, but I did it, and although I would sometimes dream of being a smoker for years afterwards, I’ve never had any urge to light a cigarette since then.

On the other hand, good habits can propel your life in a positive direction. Just think of habitually going to the gym, eating healthily, talking to hot women, etc. Turning those activities into habits will definitely enhance your life.

Fortunately, as the quote above declares, habits are acquired. You have to do something over and over again for it to become a habit. If you acquire a habit, you will keep on doing it without thinking about it.

How to Make or Break a Habit

The first thing you should do is analyse your life and write a list (I love lists) of habits that you would like to acquire and habits that you would like to remove.

The key to habits is repetition. You need to repeat that activity for at least thirty days before it becomes continuous. It’s like those antique cars where you have to crank a handle to make the engine start. Once you’ve cranked, the engine will run until you stop it.

To remove a bad habit, you have to abstain from doing that activity for at least thirty days.

To acquire a good habit, you have to do that activity every day for at least thirty days.

It’s as easy as that. Or is it?

Well, no, not really. I’m sure you’ve made New Year’s resolution before. And I’m sure you’ve not followed through on hardly any of those resolutions also. Why?

Because you weren’t motivated enough.

Don’t Wait Until You’re Desperate

You’re not going to do anything unless you wanted it enough. When I decided to learn Game, it was because I was sick of scarcity and neediness with regards to women. I’d been in three long-term live-in relationships which I stayed in despite knowing that they were with the wrong girl. I didn’t want to go without sex though so I just stuck in the relationship even though the women got on my nerves more and more it progressed.

Eventually I got tired of cheating myself to fulfill my desire, so I did a full turn and decided never to get into a relationship again unless the girl was of very high calibre. She had to have what I wanted from a woman. This backfired and I went almost four years without sex. So I got super frustrated and decided that no matter what, I was going to get this sorted out.

This is the kind of motivation you need.

The problem is that you don’t want to have to go through this amount of frustration and trauma to make or break a habit. So how do you do it?

Self Motivation

I learned how to break even deeply rooted habits from a book by Ken Keyes called the Handbook to Higher Consciousness. The book is another of those ‘New Thought’ books along the lines of Maxwell Maltz’s Psycho-Cybernetics, Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret and U. S. Andersen’s Three Magic Words. Ken himself is a massive Beta as you will realise if you read his biography, but the information I learned from the Handbook to Higher Consciousness was really valuable.

To motivate yourself enough to follow your habit for thirty days, you need to include visualisation and a massive amount of very strong emotion. So, you see the outcome you want in as much detail as you can in your mind and then inject very intense emotion.

So for example, you want to go to the gym regularly, you visualise yourself waking up early every day, smiling, getting up and going to the gym, working out and seeing your body grow. But you also add very strong emotion. I’m talking about tensing your body up, screaming, shouting, crying, laughing, cheering, rolling around on the floor kind of intensity; exactly like you would if you’d just experienced a massive trauma or a massive victory.

When you think about it, this exactly what you did in the past to make any kind of massive change in your life, except this time you’re doing it on purpose, not as a result of external circumstances. Don’t ask me why it takes this kind of over-the-top emotional outpouring to program your brain into realising that what you’re visualising is what you really want to happen, but it does.

If the thought of doing this makes you really self-conscious, drive out into the countryside, climb a steep hill and do it where nobody can see or hear you. Do this a few times and you’ll have no trouble motivating yourself to make or break that habit.

Positive Self Image and Strong Belief.

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Girls like guys who like themselves.

When I talk about liking yourself, people generally think I mean being narcissistic or arrogant. And if you’ve developed a strong positive self-image, people will sometimes consider you to be one or the other. But if you’ve attained that level of inner-strength, you’re not likely to be bothered about what people think about you anyway.

If you really were a narcissist, your self image would be based on vanity and your Ego would definitely be a major influence in your life. Usually your self-image would be based around some temporary attribute like good looks or academic prowess. Over time, these attributes fade and the narcissist suffers from a crisis as his self-image crumbles about him.

A genuine, strong self-image has little to do with the Ego and comes mainly from self-approval.

Everyone Starts Somewhere

I remember when I was a teenager, I thought highly of myself but there was always a feeling of self-doubt in the back of my mind. I knew I had the potential to be great but had so far failed to prove it. I would still look to others for praise when I accomplished anything. I was easily swayed by the opinions of others.

If I thought that I was one thing and someone told me otherwise, I would have a crisis of confidence. If I had an opinion about something and someone else challenged it, I would withdraw it or timidly agree with them. I know Bruce Lee said “Be like water”, but this isn’t what he meant. He was talking about adapting to circumstances, whereas all I was doing was lacking conviction.

So, to build a positive self-image, you not only have to like yourself for who you are, but you must do it with conviction.

Maybe you’re thinking to yourself:

“Yeah but I’ve done some shitty things in my life.”

Well, you’re not alone. Everybody has done something in their life that they’re not proud of. You’ve just got to accept it, forgive yourself and get on with your life. You can’t change your past. But you can change your future by resolving to act in a more positive and constructive way right now. Always be improving and learning from your mistakes.

You’re Already Awesome

So now you’ve forgiven yourself for your past, you need to get a piece of paper and a pen, think deeply about your life and write down all of the things you’ve ever done that you’re proud of. Once you’ve done that, imagine being in that situation again and feel how good it felt to be that previous version of you. That’s how you’ll be aiming to feel in your regular life from now on.

If you’re still staring at a blank piece of paper, you’ve not put enough effort into your introspection. Everybody has done something in their life that they’re proud of. Now that you’ve done that, you can see that you’re not so bad after all.

The next step is to work towards a constant state of self-improvement.

You might say to me:

“But if I’m always trying to improve myself, doesn’t that mean that I don’t like who I am at the moment?”

Not at all. You can like yourself but still realise that you can improve and evolve as a man in every area of your life. All you do is transform your dislike to discontent. Instead of hating yourself for being weak, you have discontent for your weakness and resolve to join a gym tomorrow and start working out. One is negative and will harm your self-image and the other is positive and will bolster it.

Work Systematically

You should examine your life, look at your weaknesses and make plans to work on and strengthen them. You should work out what your focus is and set goals to achieve it. Every time you achieve a goal, give yourself a hearty slap on the back, smile and tell yourself:

“Well done!”

As you achieve more and more, you have higher self-esteem and your self-image changes. You no longer see yourself as weak and incompetent and begin to see yourself as strong and capable. When someone makes a disparaging remark about you, instead of being mortally wounded, it simply bounces off your self-image as if it were bullet-proof.

If you go too far, your positive self-image can turn into arrogance. You will know when this happens because instead of ignoring the naysayers, you actually start hurting them. As the saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility”, so keep an eye out for this and try not to go too far.

However, this is normal and you can correct it. Let me give you an example. When you pilot a plane, you never fly in a straight line from your origin to your destination. You aim where you want to go but after you’ve travelled a certain distance, you realise that you’re off course and you have to change direction to correct it. You eventually arrive at your destination but if you were to look at a plot of your path, it wouldn’t be a straight line, but a squiggle.

This is what will happen while you’re building your self-image. You’ll go too far and break into arrogance. Then you’ll compensate and veer too into meekness and repeat until eventually you gain stability. This is when you become rock solid. That’s the ultimate goal, that unshakeable belief in your own self worth.

But that’s not all. You need to have opinions and you need to have values.

Own Your Values and Opinions

If someone asks you what you think of something and then laughs at your opinion, it shouldn’t matter one bit. This is because you know what your standpoint is and the only way someone is going to convince you otherwise is by systematically refuting it. They need to prove to you without a shadow of a doubt that you’re wrong. If you listen to their argument and decide that it cannot be ignored, be gracious, admit that you were wrong and adopt the new viewpoint.

The way that you get to this stage in your development is by spending an extended period of time thinking deeply about what aspects of life are important to you and make a strong judgements on your values and opinions based upon fact and reasoning. Don’t waste your time explaining your reasons for having a particular value or opinion, but if someone asks you to, you should be able to give a strong and considered argument for it.

Of course if someone tells you that you’re stupid for liking a certain type of music or art, you can just ignore them, because preferences are subjective. If you like vanilla ice-cream and someone tells you “You’re so boring”, you can just ignore them or tell them to “Fuck off”. You know what you like and other people’s opinions are irrelevant. Which brings me on to the last point:

Always Trust Your Own Judgement First

If you’ve been introspective and thought about your life and your values and you have a positive self image, you can have confidence in your decisions. When people are in need of guidance, you can be the one to decide what to do.

When you have this decisiveness, you become a leader. You’re happy to accept responsibility because you know you can handle it. If you don’t have a positive self-image, your journey to masculinity and self-realisation is going to impossible, so it’s important to start now.

Public Speaking is a Cure for Social Anxiety.

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After I’d been practising Daygame for six months, I joined a Toastmasters club and participated in their programme once a week until I left Nottingham for the bright lights of London. For those of  you who don’t know about Toastmasters, it is an international public speaking group.

I think any beginner to pick-up will benefit vastly from joining and regularly participating in a Toastmaster group.

The way you get better at game is to approach many girls and get the skill-set down. An interaction grows like a tree from the approach to the number close, with each decision made a branch or a twig in your tree. But the approach is the root of your game tree and if you get that right, it makes the rest of your interaction easier.

As I mentioned in my posts Back to Basics, Notes for Beginners and The Importance of Posture, there are a few basic things that you need to be doing rather than saying on your approach which are absolutely essential to get the root of your interactions to be solid.

The Root of Your Game

I’ve covered posture and I’ve covered eye contact, but what about vocal tonality, projection, timing, storytelling and composure?

All of these are skills taught in Toastmasters.

It has been often quoted that for most people; public speaking is a scarier proposition than dying. In actual fact, the feeling that public speaking gave me when I first started was the closest I’ve come to approximating the feeling I got when I started cold approaching women. And it’s for the same reason. Your Ego is scared of being hurt.

When you approach a woman or when you talk in front of a group of people, you are scared that they will scorn and reject you.

This is where Toastmasters can improve your public speaking and get rid of approach anxiety. Every time you stand up to speak at a meeting, you are given full attention and after you sit down, everybody applauds warmly. Soon, you look for more and more opportunities to do a speech because facing your fear and being rewarded for it become addictive. It’s a positive feedback loop.

Toastmasters is more than just a forum for encouraging its members to speak, it is a structured programme. You’re given two books; the “Competent Speaker” and the “Competent Leader”.

Structured Learning and Improvement

The Competent Speaker book has ten speeches for you to do.

They start you off by simply speaking about your background for a couple of minutes. Subsequent speeches emphasise preparation, timing, vocal projection, eye contact, storytelling and all of the skills you need to be able to seduce an audience and a woman.

The Competent Leader book gives the meeting’s non-speakers evaluation and leadership roles to accomplish.

Every meeting there is a Toastmaster who chairs the meeting. Think of this role like a chat-show host. You stand up and open the meeting and then introduce each speaker during the evening. Many people are daunted by this role, but it used to be my favourite, because of the amount of times during a night that I had to push through my fear.

There are other roles such as Grammarian (evaluating use of grammar), Timekeeper (ensuring that speeches don’t over-run) and Ah-counter (counting “um”s and “ah”s used as filler-words).

Then there is the Evaluator role where you have to take notes on a speech, talk about what the Speaker did well and what they could improve on. This helps the Speaker improve their speeches and gives them the ability to take constructive criticism and it also helps the Evaluator to think critically and give balanced praise and criticism.

One other section of every meeting is what Toastmasters call Table-Topics, which is impromptu speaking.

Half a dozen speakers are chosen at random to speak for a minute on a completely unrehearsed topic. This is massively nerve-wracking, but has a fantastic effect on your ability to speak off the top of your head.

You can see how this would benefit your interactions with women, as for example, during the Assumption Story stage of the Daygame Blueprint, you are thrown a subject to talk about and you have to quickly recall or create an amusing or interesting story to enable you to get into rapport with the girl.

Call to Action

All of these roles provide skills which are enormously helpful in your career and social-life, as well as in the seduction of women. If you’ve not been to a Toastmasters meeting before, I recommend that you go.

You can attend for free as a guest for as long as you like before committing to join and even then, the subscription costs are ridiculously low. There are
clubs in almost every country in the world and the UK and the US have hundreds of clubs.

If you’re still suffering from social anxiety and you’ve done lots of approaches but don’t feel like you’re improving, try Toastmasters.

Six Things You Can Do To Increase Your Success Rate.

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In the real world, things are messy. They’re multi-levelled with many variables and convolutions.

The same is true of seducing women.

I’ve been interested in languages for a while now. I’m learning Mandarin Chinese at the moment. Before Chinese, I was studying Japanese (both for the purpose of meeting and talking to Asian girls).

When I was attempting to acquire proficiency in Japanese, I read a great book called How to Learn Any Language – Quickly, Easily, Inexpensively, Enjoyably and On Your Own by Barry Farber. Barry recommends that you attack a language from as many angles as possible. He said you should fully immerse yourself in the language by listening to audio courses, reading grammar and vocabulary books, watching films and listening to audio in the language of your choice.

For the most success in learning how to seduce women, you should do a similar thing.

Immerse Yourself

Firstly (at least in the beginning), you should try to immerse yourself as much as possible. One thing that I noticed all of the really good Daygamers say is that their first couple of years were very intense. They either had no job and went out every day all day to game or like myself, they had a job and went out all day both weekend days. Once you have your skill level up, you can calm down a little, but immersion is a key element.

Secondly, you need to attack the problem from many angles. Here are five areas which you can work on simultaneously to increase the success rate you will have with women.

Get Better at Game

This is obvious really. To get better at seducing women, you need some game. There are plenty of different systems out there which will give you a framework to progress with. Daygame is one of them. You can find out why I personally do Daygame here.

For a beginner, I think it is important that you have a structure that you can follow. It’s like the training wheels (we call them stabilisers in the UK) you had on your bike when you were a kid. You learn to ride the bike with the stabilisers on, then when you have mastered the technique, you take them off and after a period of adjustment, you can ride on two wheels.

It’s the same with game. The structure of your seduction methodology (like for example, the Daygame Blueprint) is your training wheels, and when you can work through it from approach to fuck without thinking about it, it’s time to slowly drop it and become more natural.

Move To a Place Where There Are More Girls That You Like

When it comes down to it, any seduction philosophy involves a certain amount of chance. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. Not every girl you meet will want to fuck you, no matter what super-powers you may possess. In essence it’s a numbers game, but the odds are weighted by the things I am discussing in this post.

As the odds of you getting laid increase with the number of girls you talk to, it can sometimes simply be a case of speaking to as many girls as you can before the inevitable happens. But you’re not attracted to all of the girls you see on the street.

So, the solution is to either go to a larger city in your country, maybe the capital city, where there is more choice of girls. Alternatively, go to a large city in a foreign country which has the girls you like.

In my case, I like Asian girls. There are almost none in my home city (Leicester in the UK), so I moved to London where there are many. Eventually when I’ve learned Chinese well enough and my business is doing sufficiently well, I’ll move to Shanghai, Beijing or some other large city in China.

Dress Better

In reality, you can dress however you want within reason and still have a good chance of getting a girl if you have covered the other areas in this post. But we’re all about incremental increase, so even a small improvement might improve your results dramatically.

I used to be a baggy jeans, t-shirt and trainers (sneakers) guy. In fact when I first started going out to meet girls, this is what I wore. What I noticed was that most of the girls who gave me their numbers tended to dress like me.

The problem was that I wanted girls who dressed a little bit more classily. The kind of girl who would shop at Zara for example; a feminine but smart style. So, I began to look around at current fashion trends and also looked at classic actors like Clarke Gable or James Stewart.

I decided a smart but casual style was the way to go and got myself a blazer (smart sports jacket), some slim fit jeans, a smart shirt and some shiny shoes. Now, I walk down the street and get IOIs (indicators of interest) from many girls who dress exactly the way I like them to.

Look Better

There are a lot of good looking guys out there who don’t have any game and can get girls into bed just because of their looks and their physique.

Most PUAs aren’t that lucky though.

Many of us tend to be skinny and geeky looking, as we’re mostly the intelligent introverted type. This means that this area can give you a vast increase in your allure and attractiveness to women.

I have bad eyesight, I used to have really bad acne and I was really skinny without any muscles.

When I was in my late teens I went to the doctor about the acne and eventually after trying many different pills and creams, he put me on Roaccutane (Accutane). A course on these pills cured my acne for life.

I’m really short-sighted. I either have to wear glasses with really thick lenses or I have to wear contact lenses. I’ve been doing the latter since I was sixteen years old. When my business starts to make more money, I’m going to get laser treatment.

Over the last couple of years I’ve been sporadically going to the gym. I’m going more regularly now and am starting to fill out and gain more muscle, but already I am noticing more IOIs from women. It seems that just a small amount more muscle will raise you above the average and make a difference to those eagle-eyed women.

I was lucky to have a good dentist when I was a kid, so my teeth are straight, but for those of you who have crooked teeth, go to the dentist and get them sorted out. Don’t worry about having to wear a brace for a few months. It’s better to have to go through that than to live with fucked-up teeth.

Masculinity / Inner Game

When it comes to women, the most attractive thing a man can have is masculinity and self-confidence. This is the basis for all direct game seduction systems. No tricks or routines, just pure, honest masculinity.

You have to learn to be unapologetic about your desires. You have to know what you want in a woman and know how to deal with them. You have to be a guy who sets and achieves goals and is in a constant state of self-improvement. You need to be trying to improve your station in life and push your boundaries, facing fear head on.

Much of this can be learned from simply putting your balls on the line and going out to try and meet women, but there are many other ways of learning to embrace your masculinity:

Extreme sports, building a business, public speaking and travel are a small list of things that you can do to increase your confidence and make you feel like a man. The key is to examine your life and make a list of the things that scare you. Areas of your life that you are weak at and are constantly trying to avoid. Then one by one, push yourself to engage each of these things.

So, if you want to get better with women, don’t focus on just one thing; work on all of the above and you will soon notice that the rate of improvement in your results will increase dramatically.

Be a High Value Guy.

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The kind of guy who is successful in life is exactly the type of guy that women find attractive.

So how do we define “successful”?

Isn’t the definition of success different for everybody? After all to succeed depends upon achieving the goals that you have set for yourself. Well, although the goals themselves may vary, setting and achieving goals plays an important part in becoming a successful guy.

In your business pursuits and in your life in general, goal setting is a simple task. In seduction however (as with most things to do with women), goal setting can be counter-intuitive.

How to Set and Accomplish Goals

In your day-to-day life, you may simply want to get fitter. Ask yourself:

“How can I accomplish this?”

The best resource is usually the Internet or a book. Getting fit is a bit of a contentious issue as there are many different viewpoints. The solution is to find someone who is fit and find out how they achieved it. When you do this, you find that it’s a combination of exercising regularly and eating healthily. So you ask yourself:

“How can I exercise regularly?”

You do a bit more research and find out that you can go to the gym, you can go running, etc. You keep breaking your goal down into smaller and smaller goals until you have goals which are small enough that you feel comfortable doing them.

The process, in a nutshell is:

  1. Decide on your goal.
  2. Research the goal.
  3. Break it down into sub-goals.
  4. Repeat steps 1-3 until your sub-goals are manageable.
  5. Take action to carry out each sub-goal.

Business goals are the same. You may have a goal to earn a certain amount of money within a certain amount of time. You do research about people who have made the amount of money you want and find out what method they used. You break down their methodology into smaller steps and repeat until you understand what you need to do, how to do it and have sub-goals that you can take action upon straight away.

Careful of Goal-Setting in Seduction

Your seduction goals can be accomplished in the same way. You find out from guys who are getting laid how they did it and copy them. You find out what they did, break it down and do it. Sometimes the research you have to do cannot be done by reading. You have to do it yourself on the street. Either way, from the results of your research , you’ll be able to set yourself another sub-goal which will get you closer to being able to fucking hot women on a regular basis.

The proviso is that when it comes to seduction, your goal should always be about yourself and not the woman.

Before you go out for a few hours to walk the streets in search of hot women, it is a good idea to set a goal for yourself to accomplish during those few hours. A good goal is:

  • Remember to give strong eye contact to each woman you talk to on the approach.

A bad goal is:

  • I absolutely will not stop until you have taken the numbers of fifteen girls.

Why is the first goal good and the second goal bad?

The first goal is good is because it is something that will improve your game and it is something that you can control. The second goal is bad because you have no control over whether a girl will give you her number or not and you are in big danger of losing your outcome-independence. When it comes to seduction, wanting something too much stops you getting it.

What Kind of Goals Should You Be Setting for Yourself?

Well it depends on what your overall purpose in life is. If you don’t currently know what that is, you should read through this post on Definiteness of Purpose. Once you know what your main goal is in life, you can use the steps above to break it down. It may take you years to achieve your main goal, but all the time you’re working toward it, you will have a great sense of purpose and direction and feel happy. When you don’t have anything to work towards you feel lost and depressed.

Now can you see why a man who is striving towards something is attractive to women?

When you accomplish a task, no matter how small it is, you feel great.

Write down your goals in a notebook and cross them off when you achieve them. Give yourself a big pat on the back when you attain a medium-sized goal and set the world on fire when you accomplish a life goal.

Everyone gravitates towards a guy who feels great about himself and this is the kind of man you will be if you’re setting and accomplishing goals. Making money and learning seduction are just two more things that you can learn, and as they are skills, you can break them down and learn them bit by bit. Just make it your goal to learn how to do it and then put yourself into action.

Feeling good about yourself, having knowledge and experience through accomplishing your goals and possibly even having earned a good income will give you confidence in your life.

Confidence and Self-Assurance

Everyone says that confidence is the most attractive thing a man can have. Well, confidence is just situational competence. If you can look at a situation where you have no competence and know that all it takes to master it is to apply the goal-setting formula above and spend a little time on it, you have no reason to feel a lack of confidence in any situation.

This is self-assurance.

Self-assurance is an overall aura of confidence. When you become self assured, you are coming from an internal locus of validation. You know you have value, because you give it to yourself and nobody can take it away from you. This self-assurance is at the heart of masculinity and if you were to ask me what every man’s overall purpose should be, it is to achieve self-assurance. You become a man by accomplishing many things.

A man of value. A high value guy.