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Archives for September 2014

Be a High Value Guy.

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The kind of guy who is successful in life is exactly the type of guy that women find attractive.

So how do we define “successful”?

Isn’t the definition of success different for everybody? After all to succeed depends upon achieving the goals that you have set for yourself. Well, although the goals themselves may vary, setting and achieving goals plays an important part in becoming a successful guy.

In your business pursuits and in your life in general, goal setting is a simple task. In seduction however (as with most things to do with women), goal setting can be counter-intuitive.

How to Set and Accomplish Goals

In your day-to-day life, you may simply want to get fitter. Ask yourself:

“How can I accomplish this?”

The best resource is usually the Internet or a book. Getting fit is a bit of a contentious issue as there are many different viewpoints. The solution is to find someone who is fit and find out how they achieved it. When you do this, you find that it’s a combination of exercising regularly and eating healthily. So you ask yourself:

“How can I exercise regularly?”

You do a bit more research and find out that you can go to the gym, you can go running, etc. You keep breaking your goal down into smaller and smaller goals until you have goals which are small enough that you feel comfortable doing them.

The process, in a nutshell is:

  1. Decide on your goal.
  2. Research the goal.
  3. Break it down into sub-goals.
  4. Repeat steps 1-3 until your sub-goals are manageable.
  5. Take action to carry out each sub-goal.

Business goals are the same. You may have a goal to earn a certain amount of money within a certain amount of time. You do research about people who have made the amount of money you want and find out what method they used. You break down their methodology into smaller steps and repeat until you understand what you need to do, how to do it and have sub-goals that you can take action upon straight away.

Careful of Goal-Setting in Seduction

Your seduction goals can be accomplished in the same way. You find out from guys who are getting laid how they did it and copy them. You find out what they did, break it down and do it. Sometimes the research you have to do cannot be done by reading. You have to do it yourself on the street. Either way, from the results of your research , you’ll be able to set yourself another sub-goal which will get you closer to being able to fucking hot women on a regular basis.

The proviso is that when it comes to seduction, your goal should always be about yourself and not the woman.

Before you go out for a few hours to walk the streets in search of hot women, it is a good idea to set a goal for yourself to accomplish during those few hours. A good goal is:

  • Remember to give strong eye contact to each woman you talk to on the approach.

A bad goal is:

  • I absolutely will not stop until you have taken the numbers of fifteen girls.

Why is the first goal good and the second goal bad?

The first goal is good is because it is something that will improve your game and it is something that you can control. The second goal is bad because you have no control over whether a girl will give you her number or not and you are in big danger of losing your outcome-independence. When it comes to seduction, wanting something too much stops you getting it.

What Kind of Goals Should You Be Setting for Yourself?

Well it depends on what your overall purpose in life is. If you don’t currently know what that is, you should read through this post on Definiteness of Purpose. Once you know what your main goal is in life, you can use the steps above to break it down. It may take you years to achieve your main goal, but all the time you’re working toward it, you will have a great sense of purpose and direction and feel happy. When you don’t have anything to work towards you feel lost and depressed.

Now can you see why a man who is striving towards something is attractive to women?

When you accomplish a task, no matter how small it is, you feel great.

Write down your goals in a notebook and cross them off when you achieve them. Give yourself a big pat on the back when you attain a medium-sized goal and set the world on fire when you accomplish a life goal.

Everyone gravitates towards a guy who feels great about himself and this is the kind of man you will be if you’re setting and accomplishing goals. Making money and learning seduction are just two more things that you can learn, and as they are skills, you can break them down and learn them bit by bit. Just make it your goal to learn how to do it and then put yourself into action.

Feeling good about yourself, having knowledge and experience through accomplishing your goals and possibly even having earned a good income will give you confidence in your life.

Confidence and Self-Assurance

Everyone says that confidence is the most attractive thing a man can have. Well, confidence is just situational competence. If you can look at a situation where you have no competence and know that all it takes to master it is to apply the goal-setting formula above and spend a little time on it, you have no reason to feel a lack of confidence in any situation.

This is self-assurance.

Self-assurance is an overall aura of confidence. When you become self assured, you are coming from an internal locus of validation. You know you have value, because you give it to yourself and nobody can take it away from you. This self-assurance is at the heart of masculinity and if you were to ask me what every man’s overall purpose should be, it is to achieve self-assurance. You become a man by accomplishing many things.

A man of value. A high value guy.

Definiteness of Purpose.

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There was a period in my life when I wasn’t sure what the point of it all was.

My Mother tried to bring me up as a Catholic, but from an early age I rejected Christianity. I read the Bible, sang the hymns and went to church until about seven years old. At that point, something clicked in my head and I decided that I didn’t believe in it. I can’t remember what my original reason was, but thinking about it from a logical point of view, Christianity makes no sense.

Now, this post isn’t a rant against religion. I actually have no interest in religion. I’m neither for nor against it.

What my Mum was trying to do however, was give my life a purpose, whether she meant it or not.

When you’re a kid, you don’t really think about death. If you do, you don’t really connect the dots. For me, it took until my mid-twenties until I really understood that my life was finite. During the years when I was pursuing the dream of becoming a professional musician, it was common for me to get stoned and ponder the mysteries of life and the universe. There seems to be a quality of weed which allows you to probe deep into a specific line of enquiry in your mind.*

Exploration Through Drugs

This one time, I was trying to work out what I would be thinking and feeling in the minutes and seconds before my own death. And then I suddenly realised, I’d be absolutely petrified! My own belief is that after death, the self is terminated and nothing of your personality or presence exists after that moment. This concept became traumatic to me for the first time in my life and eventually over the course of a few months became a fully-fledged neurosis. I would be too scared to go to bed in case I died in my sleep.

Eventually I went to a psychiatrist and instead of giving me some kind of tranquilliser or other drug to numb my over-active nerves, he told me that I would never be free of this fear.

“That’s no help!” I thought.

Then he wrote down the title of a book on a piece of paper, told me to read it and sent me away. I was disgusted. Like everybody, I wanted a quick fix. I wanted someone else to take responsibility for my problems. So, I waited a couple of weeks until I could bear it no more, then went to a shop and bought the book.

It was Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.

I highly recommend this book to anybody who is suffering from fear. Which is practically everybody. It seems that pretty much any negative emotion you can think of has its root in fear. Just think of learning to game women:

  • You’re afraid of what other people will think when you talk to a girl in the street.
  • You’re afraid of a negative reaction from the girl.
  • You’re afraid that she might think you’re too tall, short, fat, ugly, black, Asian, bald or whatever.

It’s all fear. In the book, Susan Jeffers just tells you that all you need to realise is that:

“I can handle it.”

However, this brief self-history and reprise of my earlier post on Avoidance is not the point of this post. The point is that there is no point. I eventually fixed my fear of death and other fears, but it left me with the question:

“So what should I do with my life between now and the end of it?”

Exploration Through Reading

I spent months reading about other religions; I even became convinced that Buddhism was the answer. However, as much as I think that meditation is a powerful tool for self-development, I still cannot bring myself to believe in rebirth and karma (both of which are inextricably linked).

So, I read the writings of various philosophers, and although I agreed with some concepts of many of their ideas, no one person gave me the answer that I was looking for. The closest I came to finding a practical way to live my life was the philosophy of Albert Camus.

I eventually came to the conclusion that you have to be positive about your life and that in the absence of ultimate purpose; you have to give your own meaning to life.

This is where I return to the point of definiteness of purpose. You have to find a meaning to exist and you need to be certain about it, because it will be the base upon which you build the rest of your life.

There are so many people in the world who live aimlessly, or even worse; look to other people to give their life a meaning, as my Mother tried to when I was a child. In the end, the answer came from the greatest resource of information in history:

The Internet

I was reading a long-forgotten self-development forum and one of the writers suggested a test. If you’re feeling a little direction-less yourself, I recommend answering this question yourself:

“If you only had a month to live, what would you spend your life doing?”

I asked a friend and he told me he’d spend it with his family. My answer was:

“To fuck as many hot women as possible!”

Now, we may not die within a month. We don’t know when we’re going to die. But, the answer you give to this question should give you an idea of what you should be spending the majority of your time and energy pursuing right now and probably for the next few years at least. Since I answered this question, most of my time and efforts have been put into increasing the chances I have of achieving my purpose.

  • I learnt game.
  • I took public speaking classes.
  • I learned how to be good in bed.
  • I worked hard on inner-game and masculinity.
  • I moved to a city where there are a large number of high quality women.

You can see that once you have definiteness of purpose, you are able to really focus on what you can do to align yourself with that purpose. It becomes like a massive arrow pointing in the direction of your life. I don’t have a fear of death any more, because I know that before I draw my last breath, I can look back and see that I followed my purpose and will have pride in what I achieved during the journey of my life.

* I don’t condone the use of drugs. Although there are some benefits to using weed, over the long term, the effects can be overwhelmingly negative. My opinion is that if you’re going to smoke weed, do it in moderation and infrequently.

Action vs. Reaction.

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One thing that you’ll notice about most non-achievers is that they are consumers. They work at a nine-to-five job, five days per week for years. They money they earn is spent. In early years, it goes on music, games, entertainment, socialising and technology. Later, it is spent on cars, houses, holidays, more technology, marriages and children. People take everything they earn and spend it on something.

One thing you’ll notice about most high-achievers is that they are producers. They are always creating something new. They are the ones who create the objects that the consumers devour. Don’t get me wrong, there are people who are non-achievers who also produce. Just think of the bedroom musician who writes for a hobby, or the backyard potter who makes ceramics for fun and gives them to friends.

High-achievers however, will create something of value to a consumer and find a way to deliver that object to them. They either create something completely new or modify something existing to make it better. Then they offer it to market for the consumers to buy.

Break the Habit

It can be difficult to become a producer if you have spent your whole life as a consumer. But, if you want to try, put your mind to it for thirty days, and you will find that it becomes a habit. The same applies to bad habits. Abstain for thirty days and you will break the habit.

An analogy can be made to pickup. That is, acting as opposed to reacting. In actual fact, by acting, we are producing, as you will see.

Action is Essential in Game

If we see a girl we like, and we know a little game, the first thing we will do is go and talk to her. We take action, because by doing so, we have a chance to achieve what we want. Whilst pushing forward the interaction through its various stages, we are putting the seduction framework into action.

For example, when we’ve portrayed our personality to the girl and she is relaxed and enjoying the interaction, we will eventually close her in some way. We as men, have to take action to make sure that happens. The girl will not do it. Do you think she’ll number close you, kiss you, take you home and lay you? No. You take action. She reacts to the action you take.

If you want to be good at game, you need to be aware of what you’re doing throughout an interaction with a girl. You need to be asking yourself:

“Am I taking action, or am I reacting?”

If you’re reacting, you’ll get nowhere. As a leader, you need to be taking action, forcing the issue, moving forward. If however, you don’t want abundance with women, you should remain reactive. Wait until someone else makes a move.

Move Forward in Your Life

Maybe you can see why learning game improves your life as a whole. By learning to be a man of action, you are also learning the skill at the root of achievement in life. Action is a form of creation. You are making a connection with a girl that did not exist before. Simply by taking action. Sure, on many occasions, the interaction will lead to nothing, but sometimes your effort will result in a prize.

Maybe, instead of surfing the internet, reading blogs, you could write a blog. Maybe instead of checking out eBay or Amazon for cool gadgets to buy, you could make your own and sell it on those same websites. One is action, one is reaction. One is production, the other is consumption.

One final analogy. Cattle consume. They eat all day long and wander around in their field oblivious to the fact that they’re just being fattened up for slaughter. The farmer feeds the cattle and one day reaps the reward of his work. Would you rather be the cattle or the farmer?

Logistics.

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Over the weekend, I moved house. Well, I live in London; you don’t own a house unless you’re a multi-millionaire. I moved flat.

I’ve been trying to follow Tom Torero’s example and live light. I remember watching Fight Club years ago and amongst the masses of gold that you can get from watching that film, one of the quotes that struck me most was from Tyler Durden, Brad Pitt’s character. He said:

“What you own, owns you.”

So, since then I’ve been trying to reduce the amount of stuff that I own, because psychologically, having possessions ties you down and reduces your options.

Get Rid of Your Possessions

If you had a whole house full of stuff you could say “Fuck it all” and blow the house up if you were an exceptional person. Most of us are not exceptional though, we’re either average or we’re on the road to being exceptional.

Average people will keep stuff for sentimental reasons. For example, a guy’s mother or an ex-girlfriend gave him this particular item. Or maybe he thinks that this thing that he’s trying to avoid throwing away will be useful at some point in the future.

So he accumulates rubbish.

This means that if the opportunity arose whereby this guy could change his life for the better by living in another town, city or even country, he would find it hard to commit to doing so because of his attachments. Not just that, but if he has a house full of stuff, he’s got to find some way of moving it all. Moving it from one part of the same city to another is bad enough, but moving it all to another country would make you think more than twice about going. It’s expensive and it’s a nightmare to organise.

But if you had little or no possessions, you could move at short notice and with little effort or expense.

The Same Old Story

When I read pickup forums, it seems to be a regular occurrence that someone complains that there aren’t enough women in the place that they live to make it viable to do cold approaches on girls. They’re scared of getting a bad reputation or talking to the same girl twice.

The advice I always give is to move to a bigger city.

The excuse that usually follows is to do with being attached in some way to their current location. I don’t know about you, but if I want something enough, but I can’t get it immediately, I’ll work out what steps I need to take to get myself closer to that goal and take them. Even if I don’t get instant gratification. Even if it takes years. If I can see that taking a logical train of steps will get me from where I am to a situation I’d like to be in, I will take those steps.

So, you want to move to another city, you can do one of three things:

  • Detonate your possessions, like Edward Norton’s character in Fight Club.
  • Hire removals vans and move everything you own.
  • Get rid of your possessions and move light.

Coming back to Tom Torero, he pretty much lives out of a bag because he travels a lot and never seems to be in one place more than a month at a time. This is one end of the extreme. Me personally, I am working towards generating a passive income stream which will enable me to travel in the same way. Whilst I’m doing that I’m slowly getting rid of possessions.

How to Live a Life of Minimalism

How do I accomplish this? The first thing I do, is take stock of everything I own, one item at a time and ask myself “Have I used that thing in the last year?” If not, it’s almost certain to go in the bin.

For example, I had a massive collection of CDs. I listened to a small group of them regularly but some of them I never listened to. I ripped all the ones I listened to a lot onto my computer as audio files and then sold the whole collection on Amazon and eBay.

I recently bought a Kindle Paperwhite, which is allowing me to do the same thing for my book collection.

Then I look at all the stuff that I own which has sentimental value. Usually, I kept these items because they were given to me by someone that I care about or it marks some achievement in my life.

One example was a glass sculpture that had been given to my Grandfather when he retired. When he died, I kept it to remind me of him. I realised that I didn’t need this object to remind me as I have his memory in my head, so I got rid of it.

Another example is a big bunch of trophies I had from winning sparring competitions when I used to train in Kung-Fu. It gave me pride to look at them and remember how hard I trained and fought to win them, but I realised that I didn’t need them as the memories and pride were in my head, so I took a picture of them and then got rid of them.

If you move into a place that is furnished, you can also get rid of your furniture and cooking utensils.

You probably don’t wear 80% of your clothes either. Take the ones you don’t wear to a charity shop.

That leaves you with maybe a laptop, kindle, mobile phone, some clothes and toiletries. When you achieve that level of minimalism, it’s going to feel like the weight of the world is removed from your shoulders. It will feel like real freedom to go anywhere and do anything you want spontaneously, which I think is the real aim of life.

My Journey

This weekend, I moved everything I own in three days, just by putting stuff in a suitcase and transporting it to my new flat on the Tube (London Underground).

I sold my car last year because in London you don’t need one. The Tube will get you anywhere you want cheaper and quicker. I had to do a few journeys, but I saved myself a lot of money, stress and lifting.

I moved to a place which isn’t so big that there is unused space, which saves me money and allows me to get a place closer to the centre of the city.

This is where logistics come in, because now, instead of being forty-five minutes and eleven stops away from Oxford Circus (London’s Daygame Mecca), I am now ten minutes and four stops away. That means that when I want to take a girl back to my house to consummate my seduction of her, there is less resistance.

As my main goal (besides personal freedom), is to fuck hot women, it makes sense for me to do everything within my means to increase the possibility of that happening.

Why I Practice Daygame.

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“There are many ways to skin a cat” is a common aphorism where I come from.

What it basically means is that there are usually a number of different approaches you could take to achieve the same result. In our case, the result we want is to get laid. What we do after that is personal choice, and so is what we do to achieve that result.

I first became aware of the fact that there were guys out there (mostly in the US) who were trying to work out how to systematise getting laid in 2005. Most of them were just floundering in the dark and not many people had a solid game plan regarding how to get from meeting a girl to laying her. There were a few established figures around at the time though, so I started to try exploring their material.

David DeAngelo

The first one I came across was David DeAngelo and his Double Your Dating product. I downloaded this and it seemed like his main emphasis was on being “cocky-funny”. At the time, I had no idea what the hell this meant. I never saw him demonstrate what he wrote in any of his videos, so I began to think that he was really just an expert businessman and marketing genius rather than a bona-fide womaniser.

I did learn some useful stuff from him though, as he did a series of interviews with various authorities in the seduction field, from which I learned some real actionable material. One example was a guy who said that he started on his path to defeating his lack of communication skills by going up to people and asking them how they were doing. I tried this and it definitely brought me out of my shell. Also, a lot of DeAngelo’s products emphasised inner game. He gave a lot of tips on self development and working on your mind, which would prove to be a good grounding for my own game in the future.

Ross Jeffries

After a while, I wanted to see if there were any more guys out there teaching seduction, so I looked around and found a site called the Fast Seduction forum. This seemed to be where most of the active players were hanging out and exchanging tips and ideas. It was hosted by a guy called Ross Jeffries, who had a product called Speed Seduction.

I read about his material and it seemed to revolve around NLP and Hypnotism. I saw some of the stuff that his devotees were writing about and there were two main points that troubled me. Firstly, it seemed really manipulative and weird. And secondly, it appeared that you had to memorise a lot of lines and phrases verbatim, which you would then recite at various points during an interaction with a woman.

When I saw this, I was turned off by it immediately. I don’t mind knuckling down and learning stuff over a long period of time if I know it will be of benefit to me, but I really felt uncomfortable with the manipulative nature of the material. Not only that, but it seemed to leave no room for spontaneity or give me a chance to show my personality.

Tyler Durden

So, I decided to look at other respected guys that the forum posters would often talk about. The biggest poster on there was a guy called Tyler Durden, who seemed to have an enormous amount of knowledge. The guy who seemed to have the most advocates was a guy called Mystery, but he didn’t post on there at all.

I read a lot of Tyler’s posts and they were very well written, but it seemed to me that he spent 24 hours a day on that forum writing posts and replying to other people’s posts, so I got a bad feeling about him. I figured that a guy who spent that much time posting couldn’t possibly be out meeting chicks at the same time, so I rejected him as a theoriser (also known as a keyboard jockey or KJ).

He later started his own seduction company called Real Social Dynamics and my decision was vindicated. I watched his videos and the guy repelled me.

Mystery

So, I looked around to see if I could find out more about this guy called Mystery. I managed to get some information and it appeared that he had a complete model. This excited me because everybody else seemed really vague. Mystery had a plan. It was:

  • Attraction
  • Comfort
  • Seduction

I still didn’t know what this meant though, so I kept reading. There was a guy called Style on the forum who seemed to know a lot about it. Apparently, to attract the girl, you had to pretend not to like her and open her by talking to her over your shoulder. You’d say nasty things to her to make her feel small and say other things to big yourself up. Not only that, but you had to dress really flamboyantly.

I thought it was a bit weird, but I got some black nail varnish, painted the nails on one hand black and went to a club wearing a see-through shirt. I found it really hard to even make the girls hear me when I was talking to them and I felt really uncomfortable in there. It was playing shit dance music, which I hate. There was beer all over the floor, which made my shoes really dirty and sticky. And lots of drunk people kept bumping into me and barging past me. I had to pay a fortune to get into the club and then another small fortune for a taxi back home afterwards, after waiting in a queue for half an hour. I couldn’t stand it.

Shark

So, I looked on the forum for something else. One guy was saying “forget all this indirect crap, do direct game instead”. He was called Shark and he was from Croatia. He and his friend Badboy were apparently going up to girls and actually telling them that they like them. This seemed more honest to me. I much preferred the idea of opening a girl with “I like you and I want to get to know you” than “Who lies more, men or women?”

He’d just released some CDs, so I got them and listened to them voraciously. 99% of his material was to do with inner game and changing the way you think about life and women. The other 1% was how to approach a woman. I spent all my time applying the inner game stuff as much as I could but still had problems approaching girls in pubs and in the street.

I went back on the Fast Seduction forum and managed to find someone in my city who was also trying to seduce women. I went out with him for a while and actually succeeded in talking to girls. However, I had no idea what to do after using my opener and got nowhere fast. Eventually my wing gave up and without his encouragement, I stopped approaching.

Intermission

I somehow got myself a girlfriend through my social circle. I went to a New Years’ party and we got introduced because she was a singer in a band and I was a drummer who’d just left one. We talked all night and she asked me if I wanted to join her band. I went to a rehearsal to check them out and I thought they were really shit, so I told her:

“No, I don’t want to join your band, but I like you so I want to go out with you.”

I was amazed with myself and thought that this inner game stuff was hot shit, so I bought lots of books in self development and communication. Ever since then I’ve been on a constant self-development drive which has paid dividends. I transformed myself from a guy lacking in social skills and self-confidence to whom I am now. It eventually became evident that this girl and I weren’t cut out for each other though, so I dumped her and went back to University.

I was way too busy studying hard to go out and approach girls (or at least that’s the excuse I told myself), so I spent three years without sex. I tried online dating, but for me, the woman has far too much power in that market. I don’t feel like I’m the chooser and the only responses I was getting were from low self-esteem women and really old or ugly women, so I gave that up.

Daygame

After I graduated though, I was determined to get back into game, so I Googled “direct game” and the first thing that came up was the Daygame.com website.

Shark seemed to have gone downhill in the intervening years, so I guessed that these guys were the new go-to people in direct game. They’d just released the Daygame Blueprint, which thrilled me, because it was the first time I’d seen a system using direct game which you could follow, to get you from meeting a girl to getting her number.

I watched all their videos, listened to some of the podcasts and signed up to the forum, because I knew the only way I could get out and approach was to find a wing. Luckily, there was one guy in the same city as me who was also looking for Daygame buddies, so we met up and I’ve been doing this ever since.

I think the reasons that Daygame works for me more than anything else I’ve tried are:

  • It resonates with me. It feels right. I guess this is because you’re being honest with yourself and the girls you meet. There’s no deception or trickery.
  • As it is a form of direct game, there is a lot of emphasis on self development and masculinity. I like this because it transfers into other areas of your life.
  • I don’t have to go to bars and clubs to do it. I don’t drink anyway, so I don’t go into pubs for anything but to grab a meal with friends during the day. I can go out and meet women in the street or in shops.
  • Women look a lot nicer in the daytime than they do at night. I hate it when women plaster layers of make-up on their faces and tart themselves up for a night out.
  • As much as I work on myself, I’m an introvert and I feel uncomfortable in large groups of people. Talking one-on-one with a girl is ideal for me. I don’t have to deal with her annoying friends and can focus on her without any distractions.

You may disagree with me on some or all of the stuff I’ve said above, but in the end it doesn’t matter. You choose your path based on your personality and the reason I’m doing what I am now is because of that. If you try something and it doesn’t feel right, try something else.