One of the guys that I’m mentoring sent me an email about a couple of girls whose numbers he’d taken. He was concerned about gaming girls who had told him that they were in a serious relationship. This is a common issue that I will address in this post.
If you’ve ever spent a day out on the street approaching hot girls, you can be sure to have received the ‘Boyfriend Objection’ at some point. ‘Objection’ is sales-speak for any excuse or reason that a prospect gives for rejecting your pitch. I remember when I was a door-to-door salesman, one of the trainers regaled with gusto tales of how he’d blast objections and get sales. He bragged that his speciality was overcoming objections.
He said that normally, an objection isn’t real; the prospect simply doesn’t have enough information yet to see the value of the product. So, he makes sure he listens to the objection and repeats it back to the prospect to make sure that they know he understands their problem. Then he addresses their concern by telling a story which demonstrates the value of the product with regard to their objection.
Game is Sales
The same is true when you are out on the street approaching women. What you are essentially doing is selling yourself to them. The difference between what my sales-trainer was telling me and what happens during a seduction is that on the street, you have to overcome her objections before she gives them.
This sentence doesn’t make sense on the face of it. How can you even know what her objections will be? Well, they’re always the same objections. If you know what it is that a woman is looking for in a man, you can preload your game to display those qualities before she even has a chance to open her mouth.
This is why displaying strong eye contact, good posture, a loud clear voice, slow deliberate speech patterns, composure, humour, directness and social awareness is important right at the beginning of the seduction. Within the first ten seconds, you should have bundled all of these things in. If you do it right, you come across as a brave, confident, charming, self-assured guy, which is what every (sane) girl is looking for.
Boom! Objections begone!
If you find yourself having to deal with objections after the approach and your first few lines, you’re already trying to climb a slippery pole. Don’t be the guy who is always trying to claw back a failing sarge. Play the game on the front foot. Be a man of action, not reaction. There are lots of objections a girl can give you, but the main one is the ‘Boyfriend Objection’.
Why a Girl Gives You The Boyfriend Objection
There are two main points in your initial interaction with a girl where she will tell you “I have a boyfriend”. During the first thirty seconds after your approach and when you try to take her number.
When a girl gives you this objection at the start of your interaction, what she is essentially saying is:
“I’m not attracted to you. You’ve not done a good enough job of portraying your good qualities to me.”
But what she actually says is “I have a boyfriend”.
Girls have this programmed into their head and they just blurt it out as a knee-jerk response to bad game. In the same way as we’d say “No” to a beggar asking for change. We don’t think about it.
You have to remember that women are very indirect. They’re physically weak and telling a guy to “Fuck off” or telling him “I don’t like you, you fucking weirdo, get lost” isn’t going to win them any favours. The guy could go nuts and hurt her. So, she just says “I have a boyfriend” and most guys will just shrug their shoulders, say “Okay… It was nice meeting you” and walk off. The girl saves time and goes back about her day.
I can’t remember the last time I got this objection at the beginning of an interaction. The reason is because my approach is solid. I’ve worked on it hard and now it’s consistent. My body automatically knows what to do, so I don’t have to think about it anymore and I can just concentrate on the girl.
This is simply muscle-memory. If you’ve ever done martial arts, you know how effective this can be. You train a certain block thousands of times per year and when the situation arises that you need to protect a certain part of your body from attack, your body automatically blocks.
This happened to me recently. I was on the Tube and a guy’s elbow shot towards my face after the train stopped abruptly. He was holding onto a loop attached to the ceiling of the car and as the train jerked to a halt, his elbow flew in an arc towards my face which was nearby. Without warning, my arm lept up in a circle and batted the elbow out of the way, with surprising force. So much so that the momentum carried the guy’s arm and body away and he fell, sprawling into another passenger.
When you do thousands of approaches and you concentrate on refining each part of your game, your game becomes automatic like this.
When I first started out though, it was a different matter entirely. Most of the girls I approached had boyfriends. I thought to myself “I can’t believe how many chicks have boyfriends”. I, like most aspiring PUAs scoured internet forums for witty comebacks that I could give to the girl when she told me she had a boyfriend. None of them ever work. The key is to refine your game. Preload your interaction to portray your value and attractiveness.
Are You Shiny Enough?
The second place in the interaction that a girl usually gives you this objection is when you try to take her number, or any other make-or-break point where you try to escalate to a higher level of possible intimacy. Usually, this means that she actually does have a boyfriend.
Two scenarios are usually prevalent here.
The first is that you’ve come across a girl who has a really strong relationship with her man, she’s deeply satisfied with him and wouldn’t consider cheating on him under any circumstances. Of course this could change, but for the moment, that’s how it stands.
The second is that she’s in a relationship with a guy but she’s not totally happy with it. You’ve come along and impressed her enough to make her want to spend ten or fifteen minutes in your company, but in the end, you’ve not portrayed enough value to make her want to explore intimacy with you.
If you really like this girl, you could take her details anyway and try to play long-game with her in case either her relationship becomes less satisfactory or you manage to increase your shininess in her eyes. This sometimes works, but personally I find this to be too much effort and I just let the girl go.
Again, the solution is to work on your game so that it is rock solid from approach to number-close. I still get boyfriend objections at the end of an interaction, but not very often anymore. The girl could be going out with a six foot plus chisel-jawed ex-model, a real alpha who has high social status and lots of money, in which case you just can’t compete. This is a good reason to work on business and go to the gym as well as practice your game. Your SMV can be increased in many ways.
Stop Thinking Like a Beta
I still get guys who say to me “I’d never fuck a girl who had a boyfriend anyway. I don’t want to be a relationship destroyer”.
Obviously these guys are still thinking back to their Beta days where an ex-girlfriend cheated on them with a higher value guy and they still remember how this feels. They vowed never to be that ‘other guy’ who caused them so much pain.
The fact is though, that it wasn’t his ex-girlfriend or the ‘other guy’ that caused him the pain in the first place. It was him. If he had been a fucking awesome man, his woman would never consider looking at other guys, let alone sleeping with them. He would never have found himself being cheated on.
I’ve fucked a lot of girls. None of them (except one) said they had boyfriends.
But how do I know whether they did or not? The girl could be cheating on her boyfriend with me and I’d have no clue.
The reason she might have done it is because she still wants the security of a boyfriend but she just can’t pass up the opportunity to have sexual intimacy with a real high quality alpha guy when the opportunity arises. She might secretly harbour a hope that she can entice you into a monogamous relationship with her, ultimately replacing the other guy.
Most girls will trade up if they get the opportunity.
Put Yourself in Her Shoes
Imagine you were dating some Plain-Jane that you met through social circle. She’s okay in bed, she’s not a great cook, she watches too much TV and she tends to nag you too much, but you’ve known her for a while and feel comfortable her. Besides, you don’t have any better options.
Then one day you’re at the supermarket alone, you brush past a ridiculously hot chick and she drops her shopping on the floor. As you stoop to help her pick up her stuff you get into conversation with her. She has massive round tits, long legs and a sweet arse. She dresses really sexily; just how you like a woman to dress. She has beautiful flowing long hair, deep seductive eyes that make you hard and a mouth that you could kiss all day long.
You feel yourself sweating while you chat to her but she stands there batting her eyelids, smiling and playing with her hair while your stutter your replies. Eventually you decide to eject and tell her it was nice to meet her but as you part, she slips you a business card with her number on it and tells you to call her so you can meet up for some ‘fun’. Do you say “Sorry, I have a girlfriend”, or do you take it eagerly, go home and dream about her all night?
Exactly. You meet up with the girl of your dreams and bang the living shit out of her.
You May Never Know the Truth
The one girl that I laid who told me she had a boyfriend but let me fuck her anyway was the exception to the rule, I think. Usually if you sleep with a girl, she’s either single, playing the field or has a boyfriend but doesn’t tell you.
This girl happened to be in a long term relationship with a guy who had a certain amount of value, but whom had to spend more than half a year at a time abroad for work. She was a very horny woman with a high libido and going without sexual release for months on end must have been torturous for her. We had a lot of fun together and she was a fuck buddy for six months before I left Nottingham to live in London.
So, as you can see, the ‘Boyfriend Objection’ has more to it than first meets the eye.
Women are very complex and they just don’t think like guys do. You can’t try to label them with your own standards. Even if you don’t want to fuck girls who are seeing other guys, you may not have a choice. If you don’t care either way, when your game is good enough, you’ll be able to have a lot of fun and rarely hear that objection ever again.