This is something that happens to every would-be womaniser. Avoidance. Some call it Procrastination, some call it Weaseling, some call it Excusing, but when it comes down to it, it’s just plain avoidance. We are talking about avoiding talking to that woman that we really want to meet. Somehow, instead of doing your normal approach, you give her eye contact, let her walk by you and you just keep walking. But she’s smoking hot. Why is this?
In the end it just comes down to your ego trying to save itself from damage. Even if you don’t realise it, there is a conversation between yourself and your Ego going on somewhere in your head and your Ego is winning.
You: She’s hot. I’ve gotta get her in my bed.
Ego: You’ve had a hard day at work, you’re hungry, let’s get home.
You: Man those tits are sweet. I’d love to suck on those lovelies.
Ego: Yeh but you don’t normally go for X type of girl, she’ll probably react badly.
You: She dresses sooo fine! What a sweetheart.
Ego: She’s probably some bitchy Lawyer, late for a meeting. She’ll rip you to shreds if you stop her.
You get the picture. You want something that you think will enhance your life. But, your Ego is a whining little bitch that just wants to save itself from getting hurt. The fact is that as a Man, or a guy working on being a Man, your own self-development, let alone your love-life will improve from taking that chance. So what to do?
Do It Anyway.
When I began my own journey of development, it all started with one book. Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. In this, Susan talks about various people who come to her for help. All have the same problem, manifesting itself in different disguises. Fear. And what is it that is doing the fearing? The Ego of course. The Ego is saying:
“What if this happens?
What if that happens?
I’ll be so ashamed.
I’ll be so embarrassed.
X person who I respect won’t like me anymore.
Someone will punch me.
I will die.”
Blah blah blah.
So what is the answer that Susan Jeffers suggests and that you should adopt?
I’ll handle It.
It’s that simple. When you think about it, whatever situation you’re trying to avoid, if the very worst thing that you can think of actually happened to you, you’d handle it. One way or another you’d have to. Sometimes you can’t avoid bad things happening to you; your pet dies, you break a limb. It’s a little painful at the time, but you handle it. And guess what? You grow from it.
“What’s this?” I hear you ask. Yes, you grow from handling your Ego.
Every time you do something that your Ego is trying to avoid, you grow. You become more masculine, more self-assured, more able to handle whatever is thrown at you. This further increases your confidence, which further quietens the Ego’s chitter-chatter, which in turn makes it easier for you to handle putting yourself out there. It’s an upward spiral.
You’ve probably heard this before as it’s a famous quote, but it was this “I’ll handle it” attitude plus this one quote that really broke my approach anxiety and started me on the upward spiral to the abundance that I’m now enjoying. It comes from a Canadian Ice Hockey player (not so famous to us in the UK, but more so for you people over the pond), Wayne Gretzky. He is quoted as saying:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Think about that for a second. I know it’s a double negative, but what he’s saying is that if you take that shot, there’s a chance, no matter how small that you’ll pull it off. See that smoking hot chick over there who looks like she just trotted off a catwalk? Yeh the one who gives you a massive boner and stuns you speechless.
Gretzky is saying that if you go up to her and talk to her, you have a chance to bang her. If you don’t go up and talk to her, you have no chance.
So, if you approach even though your Ego is telling you not to, you can lay that awesome girl.
You’ll handle it, whatever the result is.