Archives for July 2014

This is something that happens to every would-be womaniser. Avoidance. Some call it Procrastination, some call it Weaseling, some call it Excusing, but when it comes down to it, it’s just plain avoidance. We are talking about avoiding talking to that woman that we really want to meet. Somehow, instead of doing your normal approach, you give her eye contact, let her walk by you and you just keep walking. But she’s smoking hot. Why is this?

Ego.

In the end it just comes down to your ego trying to save itself from damage. Even if you don’t realise it, there is a conversation between yourself and your Ego going on somewhere in your head and your Ego is winning.

You: She’s hot. I’ve gotta get her in my bed.

Ego: You’ve had a hard day at work, you’re hungry, let’s get home.

You: Man those tits are sweet. I’d love to suck on those lovelies.

Ego: Yeh but you don’t normally go for X type of girl, she’ll probably react badly.

You: She dresses sooo fine! What a sweetheart.

Ego: She’s probably some bitchy Lawyer, late for a meeting. She’ll rip you to shreds if you stop her.

You get the picture. You want something that you think will enhance your life. But, your Ego is a whining little bitch that just wants to save itself from getting hurt. The fact is that as a Man, or a guy working on being a Man, your own self-development, let alone your love-life will improve from taking that chance. So what to do?

Do It Anyway.

When I began my own journey of development, it all started with one book. Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. In this, Susan talks about various people who come to her for help. All have the same problem, manifesting itself in different disguises. Fear. And what is it that is doing the fearing? The Ego of course. The Ego is saying:

“What if this happens?

What if that happens?

I’ll be so ashamed.

I’ll be so embarrassed.

X person who I respect won’t like me anymore.

Someone will punch me.

I will die.”

Blah blah blah.

So what is the answer that Susan Jeffers suggests and that you should adopt?

I’ll handle It.

It’s that simple. When you think about it, whatever situation you’re trying to avoid, if the very worst thing that you can think of actually happened to you, you’d handle it. One way or another you’d have to. Sometimes you can’t avoid bad things happening to you; your pet dies, you break a limb. It’s a little painful at the time, but you handle it. And guess what? You grow from it.

“What’s this?” I hear you ask. Yes, you grow from handling your Ego.

Every time you do something that your Ego is trying to avoid, you grow. You become more masculine, more self-assured, more able to handle whatever is thrown at you. This further increases your confidence, which further quietens the Ego’s chitter-chatter, which in turn makes it easier for you to handle putting yourself out there. It’s an upward spiral.

Not Convinced?

You’ve probably heard this before as it’s a famous quote, but it was this “I’ll handle it” attitude plus this one quote that really broke my approach anxiety and started me on the upward spiral to the abundance that I’m now enjoying. It comes from a Canadian Ice Hockey player (not so famous to us in the UK, but more so for you people over the pond), Wayne Gretzky. He is quoted as saying:

 

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

 

Think about that for a second. I know it’s a double negative, but what he’s saying is that if you take that shot, there’s a chance, no matter how small that you’ll pull it off. See that smoking hot chick over there who looks like she just trotted off a catwalk? Yeh the one who gives you a massive boner and stuns you speechless.

Gretzky is saying that if you go up to her and talk to her, you have a chance to bang her. If you don’t go up and talk to her, you have no chance.

So, if you approach even though your Ego is telling you not to, you can lay that awesome girl.

You’ll handle it, whatever the result is.

I’ve seen a lot of guys get really excited by the chance to rise above their Beta peers and actually get good with women, but it’s hard. If I were to take a guess, I’d say that more than 95% of the guys who start on this journey give up before they achieve their first lay.

So, let’s examine why this is and see what we can do about it.

Mental Strength.

At first, the real difficulty is overcoming the resistance your mind has to approaching a hot girl in the first place. Later on you also have to overcome emotional instability, but that post will come later. For now, you have to battle with your mind. But you don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to work it out yourself from scratch. The two main things that will help you get started approaching girls are:

1. Get knowledge.
2. Get a wing.

Knowledge.

It is important to know what you have to do to approach a girl. There is a list of items that you need to be doing to optimise your chances of a good response. Once you know what to do you can start approaching and put these steps into action. One example is good posture, another is good vocal tonality, another is keeping the correct distance, eye-contact, composure, etc, etc.

There are many different methods out there, but personally I prefer Daygame, for reasons that I will go into in another post. You don’t need to spend lots of money on a bootcamp. You can learn everything you need to know by watching their videos and reading this blog.

So once you know how to do an approach, you need to work up the nerve to do one.

Get a wing.

I know some people who managed to approach an attractive girl and attempt to seduce her on their own, but they are the exceptions. Not everybody has such mental strength when they first start, as the majority of the guys who try are still burdened by society’s expectations.

The solution is not to rely on just your own mind to overcome this anxiety, but to get someone else’s help.

There will be other guys about who also want to get good with women. Some at the same stage as you, some slightly advanced. You can find these guys and hang out with them. They can help push you into an approach. Trust me it works. This is how I managed to overcome fear of approach. I’ll discuss winging in another post, but what you need to do is get on a seduction forum and look for guys like you. There’s usually a section for people looking to find wings. Make a post. Try Daygame.com’s Cafe forum or try meetup.com.

Keep working.

Once you have done that first approach, do more. You can’t do anything unless you’ve been able to do it three times. This aversion to approaching hot chicks is a tricky son of a bitch. You have to keep working on it regularly else it slowly creeps back. When I started, I’d spend a whole day, Saturday and Sunday doing approach after approach. You must do this at first to desensitise yourself to rejection. After practicing a while you will find that most of the women you speak to will give you a good response, and the ones that don’t… Who cares!